It’s been a strange month – a month of highs and lows, darkness & light, happiness & sadness…
The ditch drained us for the first half of the month. The weather wore us down and we had to admit defeat – with the ditch half dug and filled in we abandoned the sorry task. Nothing to be done now until mid January when we return from our various dog & cat sitting ‘jobs’. The images of the unfinished half, collapsing slowly but surely and filling up with water, haunt me at night.
Danny’s Christmas party was the kick-off to our mini holiday “over the other side of the Bay”. All ‘poshed up’, no muddy smudges in sight we ate, drank & were merry. A night of extremes – we lurched from drunken dancing to deep (& deeply-poignant) discussions; from pink bubbly to green mellow… My hangover the next day was crippling.
From cosy Dobrota to wild Zanjice we travelled. Next stop Fiona & Dave’s place to look after the dogs: Tripod (3 legged & lovable), Monty & Robin and the cats big & small: Velikat & Malikat. The weather was mostly awful – a shame because it’s a breathtaking spot but the cloud was so low, the rain so dense and the light so dull there was no view. It’s a perfect summer house but not without its difficulties in the winter – the power kept going off & it was a challenge to keep the place warm & dry. The bath, however, is BIG. We have missed soaking in the tub so much. I pampered myself – long, hot soaks, face masks. Ahhh…
Mid-December I found myself in tears. That deep, deep ache of loved ones lost. On 21st December Sue, Steve’s dear friend & a soul buddy of mine, would have been 58 years old. It’s the second time I would celebrate the day of her birth without her and I miss her intensely at this ‘festive’ period – she was nuts about Christmas… Last year I tried to ‘distract’ myself from thinking about her because I wasn’t ready to plan to acknowledge her loss back then, the pain was too raw.
This year I realised (how did I not make the conection before??!) that her birthday coincided with the Winter Solstice. How perfect – a chance to make space to allow myself to miss her and to celebrate the wonder of the darkness of the shortest day and the movement into light again. Friends, Katie & Tim, invited us to share the celebration with them in the amazing house they were ‘looking after’ in Bigova – the open fire there made it the perfect location, my memories of Sue will always be inextricably linked to flames flickering in a fireplace…
On the day of the Winter Solstice, Steve & I drove to the secret beach nearby to Zanjice and collected stones with holes in (my latest hair-brained idea for connecting the strands of plaited plastic in my recycled bead curtain) whilst the dogs went aroamin’.

We gathered evergreen foliage, handfuls of sage, rosemary & thyme and festive branches full of berries and headed over to Bigova. We met up with Katie & Tim and the dogs at the Marina and walked out to a lighthouse at the mouth of the Bay to watch the sun set. It had been a clear day but sadly the clouds moved in as we walked and the setting of the sun was obscured. Symbolic & a reminder that many things are bigger than us & not for us to control. So it was, that even as we decorated logs of oak with olive & yew & ribbons of red; cut the Solstice cake (thank you Mon); adorned the house with sacred herbs and evergreen sprigs; and lit the Soltice candle, I knew that this wasn’t my time to grieve. Incredibly (especially in light of the wild wind that started to blow that very night) it was calm enough to light the main candle outside on the terrace where we seemed to hover above the water with darkness all around. We each lit a candle & thought about our deep, dark losses whilst the moment of solstice at 17.47, came & went. We blew out the candles and welcomed the light with a delicious feast, mulled wine and a roaring fire.
The ritual of Winter Solstice brought a festive feeling that we’d been lacking – I’m looking forward to making this a much loved celebration in our calendar from now on. I feel the deep knot in my gut that is pain to be cried out but accept that I’m not ready. I can’t ‘make space’ for it – it will demand to be heeded. And of course Sue was so present. One of her many gifts to me was the lesson of the Universe unfolding as it should… She must have been gently laughing at me that night.
Christmas Day dawned – soggy & cloudy. We decamped from Zanjice & drove to Dobrota to dump all our stuff at Danny’ s where we would be for the next 3 weeks, dog-sitting Maxi. It was a frantic morning – showering, dressing for Christmas, making roast parsnips in honey and the all-important 11.00am toast to ‘absent friends’. The highlight of the morning was hearing Marlon’s voice again after a year – Steve’s son, seemingly happy, with his new girlfriend Katie in their flat and enjoying Christmas Day with his son, Jack. Now that’s what I call a Christmas gift.
Tony & Laura’s place in Kavac was certainly de-lightful when we arrived – no power, on & off since 3.00 am, they were cooking by candlelight! The weather was appalling – blowing a gale and bucketing rain. Tony had done his usual trick of cooking the turkey on the gas bbq (it’s the Tazzy in him, bless) but had to bring the entire bbq indoors because the wind was so strong it kept blowing the gas out and the rain was drenching him. Still, it was cooked to perfection and with the help of 2 crappy little gas stoves (1 of which he’d had to dash out & purchase that day!) he managed to cook all the trimmings too. Here’s the main man himself – all hail Father(-to-be) Christmas:

Katie & Tim arrived with Michelle & David and the bedlam began! The vegetarians had brought their own veggie grub & within minutes of arriving Katie managed to drop an entire pot of veggie gravy (stained red with red wine) from the top step in the house. It went everywhere – on the stairs, the sofa, the walls, my dress… But of course it all got cleaned up and dealt with, Katie got a glass of bubbly and started to calm down and the merry-making commenced. Until Mollie. That silly blonde dog disappeared off somewhere for ages… It was time to start eating and still no sign of her. We started to fret. Then she turned up, crawling on her belly from around the house, shaking uncontrollably and clearly amiss. We still don’t know what happened exactly – popular theories include: bitten by a snake/ spider; drunk on rakija; tormented by Missy the cat; ate something nasty. But she was a really poorly pooch for a few hours and had us all very worried for a while.
Not worried enough to spoil our appetites though! We munched our way through the most yummy food. The prawn cocktail starter was delicious and a little reminder of home for the Chef. The turkey had been boned, rolled and stuffed by Tony ( Ye Gods! Is there no end to his talents?) and was served with roast spuds, parsnips, red cabbage (sweetened with brown sugar & balsamic) cauli cheese, carrots, gravy & cranberry sauce. And to follow – homemade (by Tony, of course…) Christmas pud with brandy sauce.

Here we all are above, apart from the guy taking the picture of course, which never seems fair… So here’s a shot of David (the photographer) with Mollie, before her strange incident:

By now the power was back on for good so we let the dishwasher take the strain and got stuck into the booze and the game-playing, with Katie’s favourite “Names in a Hat” as drunken & fiercely fought as ever. Mollie was improving slowly; the weather cheered up enough to sit outside and get a fire-pit going – so it was all good. At 3.30 am bellied, sozzled & pooped, we crashed. Laura, even with her ‘Bump’ (now 6 months big), was the last woman standing!
Boxing Day began badly. We woke up feeling fine & Steve sat outside on the bench to smoke whilst I made tea. When I brought him a cuppa out he was on the floor. It took me a few minutes for my brain to register what had happened & I thought he’d had a fit. Seems he felt really ill and then passed out, rolling off the bench onto the ground, hitting his head and bruising his jaw! He was horribly sweaty and pale when he came to but he recovered pretty fast and has been fine since. Still it was terrifying.
In light of this incident I was ready to cry off the engagement we had up the road in Kavac at Liz & Roger’s house, where the new British Ambassador, Kate, was being welcomed informally to some of the ex-pats. However, Steve insisted he was fine and sure enough was eating & drinking with the best of them in no time at all! Kate seems like a lovely lady and we shall look forward to getting to know her better.
Since then we have been snuggled in Dobrota vegging in front of the telly cuddling Maxi. Here’s a cute pic of the scruffy boy:

I’ve been reading & Steve’s been sorting out our ‘electronic life’ as he calls it (website, computer house-keeping, online marketing etc). This house is such a contrast from Topla, with it’s thick stone walls, dark corners and cosy warmth. I haven’t left the house for days and have barely made it out of my jim-jams. We are sleeping late and not feeling guilty – it’s bliss.
There’s more darkness to come – tomorrow, with a lunar eclipse, and beyond. Maybe this period of rest will prepare me for what will unfold. Maybe not.





















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